TDM Circle Oct 2019 Qndynes reads for Dodalisque

[qndynes]

Oh my goodness, my deepest apologies, I had to leave town to another state for work training and didn't foresee I would not be online often. I forgot to follow up with the forum.

I am reading for you this month and will gladly do so promptly. Is there a question you'd like me to address?

[dodalisque]

Welcome back. I don't mind at all if you want to give it a miss this month so you have time to get your breath back after the trip. I am in no hurry to have the following question answered, but if you really want to do a reading: A very close friend who died recently at the age of 92 bequeathed me dozens and dozens and DOZENS of boxes filled with a lifetime of his journals and diaries. Many of the material is handwritten and is not only virtually illegible but also, when I can finally decode it, completely unreadable. He was a playwright, moviemaker, novelist, poet, and thinker, and had ambitions to be famous in his lifetime. But these boxes are cluttering up my apartment. Why is it so difficult to throw them all out? Would I be wrong to do so? Will his ghost haunt me?

[qndynes]

Welcome back. I don't mind at all if you want to give it a miss this month so you have time to get your breath back after the trip. I am in no hurry to have the following question answered, but if you really want to do a reading: A very close friend who died recently at the age of 92 bequeathed me dozens and dozens and DOZENS of boxes filled with a lifetime of his journals and diaries. Many of the material is handwritten and is not only virtually illegible but also, when I can finally decode it, completely unreadable. He was a playwright, moviemaker, novelist, poet, and thinker, and had ambitions to be famous in his lifetime. But these boxes are cluttering up my apartment. Why is it so difficult to throw them all out? Would I be wrong to do so? Will his ghost haunt me?

Oh goodness no I signed up to read the cards can't back out. I am now now back home and to be honest the whole trip has been emotional and intense but that is beside the point. Your questiom will be addressed with the cards.

A caveat, I am adhereing to the rules for the month in shape and in quintessence but not in the general approach as I don't read cards by position in the singular, I read cards in pairs. The middle card will be the sum of all parts as stipulated by the moderator.

Ypur friends work is so hard to throw out because they are not at rest. With le monde and the 3 of swprds there is a feeling of restlessness in the tomb, as if seeking to go beyond. The words seek a reader, readers an aidoence, to break out of the box the tomb. This could be touching on your friends wishes for the words flr the to be disseminated. This might be why the boxses of writings are restless and refuse to be discarded. You are anchored, tied and constrained by this truth, unable to find the outlet for these resltless words. I also sense compromise in your stance, as if you feel ypu aight to do something about your friend's writings and the wishes embodied by them. I can't exactly say either way whether your friend would haunt you should you through away these writings, but in a way you will feel the haunting via the guilt and the responsibility you feel with what your friend bequeathed you.

The quintessence is lamoureux, the 6th trump, and I can't imagine a more fitting card. The interminably undecided fellow letting fate point the arrow. You don't know which way to go, what to do, and have remained stuck. Perhaps, just as the lemonde shows up above as does the angel in this card, you could try cracking open one or two journals to see how you feel about it and go from there. It's almost as of something otherworldy, above is asking for your attention. The cards are not saying yeah get to transcribing and working on your friend's writings. But they are saying maybe see what's there to honour your friend's gift and the restlessness conatined in it. Perhaps even reading some of the words, your eyes, the eyes of another, seeing the words will help bring peace and resolution and you can then decide to put the writings to rest.

I hope this was helpful.

[dodalisque]

Many thanks for your reading, especially at such a busy time for you. I particularly like your interpretation of The World and the 3 of Swords together - the idea that my friend's spirit is restless in the tomb. He was a very spiritual guy, or at least liked to think about big issues, but he was also very ambitious in a worldly sense, so if anyone was going to cause disruption from the other side of the grave it would be him. The overall mood of the reading seems to be that I will dither forever without making a decision, which is my usual way of dealing with problems. Believe me, I have read large selections of the journals. It would take so much work to prepare them for publication, and I personally find them worthless, but to throw them out would feel cruel and spell the final end of our association. I suppose I'm not ready to do that. Perhaps he only kept me around as a friend to have someone who took his ideas seriously. Was this a lie on my part? Did I flatter him in order to have a sympathetic audience for myself? Or did I pity him in some way? Did I see in him a reflection of my own ambition? If I callously threw out his books, would I be condemning my own artistic work to meet the same indifferent fate after my own death? I have experienced grief before and know it has its own time-schedule and has to be endured, so perhaps dithering in this case is the form that endurance is taking. My friend was very old and ill and difficult during his last years so I felt almost relief rather than sorrow when he died, but this silly difficulty over his diaries probably means I am suffering a kind of low temperature grief that I hadn't acknowledged. I'm just going to leave things the way they are until it feels right to cut the cord. All the best.